Source Analysis

Steven Schwarz

English 102

4/10/2012

Source Analysis

Throughout the second paper about animal emotions, there were a series of scholarly sources being used.  Half of them are well known household names in their respective fields, and half not so.  As opposed to using these sources as a means to only verify what the writer is agreeing with, they also used scholarly sources such as Theophrastus, a student of Aristotle, to show the alternative way of thinking.  This shows actual turmoil within scholarly sources to show that this topic has been debated over amongst the leaders in the profession.

Every source has been given its frame of reference.  When the writer introduces a new source in the paper, they state what the source does and most times they give information as to where they received their training and what generation they were from.

Stakeholders

Steven Schwarz

English 102

4/5/2012

Stakeholders

The stakeholders of my research paper are as follows.  My first stakeholder is ABC itself.  They are the channel in which my show exists.  What lies at stake for them is their integrity as a network, and of course ratings.  My own stake in comparison is different simply because I don’t care about their ratings, or their network’s success.  My concerns exist for who wins the show, only because My family and I bet on the winners.

The second set of stakeholders would be the contestants on the show.  The 25 women being chosen care about their personal image, and finding love.  If they are publicly humiliated on this show for any reason it will carry over into their lives off the show.  Once again my stake in the matter only matches the one girl I chose to win.  I wish for her to maintain a good reputation and end up winning the show as to preserve my good taste in women of course!

The Bachelors themselves hold stake in this.  Their decisions week by week are heavily criticized, and they too wish to pick the right girl for them.  If his taste for women matches mine, then his stake partially matches mine as well. I of course don’t have a reputation publicly riding on his decision, but I do want him to pick a good girl for his sake.  Should the girl I pick be that good girl he’s looking for, it’s a win-win situation. 

Chris Harrison, the host of the show is another source who holds stake in the matter.  His ability to diffuse problems on the show and manage the contestants while also making his dialogue in the show entertaining for viewers are his concerns.  He appears to want what’s best for the bachelor, either from genuine concern, or to maintain the show’s integrity.  For the most part his stake doesn’t match mine aside from wanting the bachelor on the show to make a good decision that he’ll be happy with.  He has pressures to publicly manage the contestants well, in order to keep the show as classy but still entertaining as possible. 

The rest of my resources are critics and scholarly viewers who wrote about the pros and cons of shows such as this one. Their stake most accurately matches mine, because they wish to know and spread the understanding of why and how this show affects the public.  They want the show to be as real and unscripted as possible, and to believe that what happens in the show can stand as lessons for people in the world to learn from.  They want the truths that ABC doesn’t address publicly about the staging  of the show, whether it’s true or not.  

Revision

Steven Schwarz

English 102

4/3/2012

Revision Strategy

I chose to revise my paper page by page here.

Page one

First thing I’ll do is completely remove my first paragraph.  Across the board, everyone told me it was too broad of a topic to start, and it doesn’t capture the essence of what my paper is about. I’ll have to start with something a bit more practical and relevant to my topic.  I have a series of questions in my second paragraph that preview what I will be talking about throughout the paper.  Everyone told me I should draw more attention to the main topic of my paper and explain how the other questions relate.

Page two

I was told that the second paragraph could be strengthened by using a source.  I will do that.  The beginning of the last paragraph on this page needs to be drawn to the main topic for relevance as well.

Page three

One source told me to clarify what I was writing in this page for both relevance and in how I explained things.

Page four

Revise the first sentence of the second paragraph for clarity on what I was saying.  I was told to break down the quotes in the last paragraph for more detail as to what it is implying.

Page five

I need to elaborate more on societal pressures in the first paragraph.  There is also a quote in the second paragraph that needs to be cut down in length.

Page six

Using a source in the first paragraph with help my paper.

Page seven

Explaining who my sources are will help readers to understand why things are said by certain sources.  Once again relating the things I say in this page to my main topic will help strengthen my paper.

Page eight through the rest of the paper is without comments.  I assume I did well on these pages for my conclusion.  Some ending comments after the paper was read were made.  I need to draw more attention to my main topic.  Working on my transition sentences will help as well.